I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
