bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
