They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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