Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
