When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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