I will die if light touches me.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
