DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
