party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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