considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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