You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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