You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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