I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
