i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
