he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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