4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just invented taco cereal.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
