omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
