Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
