Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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