dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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