the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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