i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
