literally had 100 drinks last night.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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