Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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