New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
