I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
