we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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