did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
