I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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