he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
