her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
