Plan B is the new Plan A
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Duck Duck Cougar?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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