I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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