Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
