I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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