we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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