Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
