No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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