Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
