..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
