It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
