Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
