there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
