she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
