I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i drank out of a bidet.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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