I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
