I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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