erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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