I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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