fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
