Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
