im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
