If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
