The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
