i can't believe i had my finger in that
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
soo... how was my night?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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