then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
