Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
