sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
