the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
