If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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