My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
