i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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