i just google imaged poop.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
