when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
