i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
